i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
