so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
