Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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