I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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