My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
