Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
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When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
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There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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