maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
