I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
