All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
