Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
