I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it hurts more in the daytime
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
