kristin has been a bad kristin
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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