i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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