Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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