Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I cockslap morals
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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