woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
