When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
