That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
