The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
