I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
