Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
