I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
