yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
