fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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