There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
