the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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