did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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