i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
