Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
