He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
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it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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