Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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