Do you still have your period?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
