She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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