it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
