I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
