My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
