oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
