We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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