I puked a lego.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
