in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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