see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
a search helicopter?!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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