The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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