I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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