Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
