Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
