you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
