I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
