Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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