i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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