the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
