If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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