I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
