Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
