Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We need to get me chipped asap
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
