go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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