There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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