There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
