in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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