Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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