please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
