I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my sisters under your porch take her home
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
A bitchslap is in order.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
