I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
