Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
