Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
