me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
