I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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