I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I pour the whiskey from now on
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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