hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
