Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She needs sedatives and a leash
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
