i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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