He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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