Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
