it was like getting a handjob from robocop
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
