Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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