I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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