when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
