Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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