i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All I want is dick and wine.
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