nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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