So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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